does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
