i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
