I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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