No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
