did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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