Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Drake has all the answers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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