I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
