fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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