i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
