After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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