How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the day after is always just damage control
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
