Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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