A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
