lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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