Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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