Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
