It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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