I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
