That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
