Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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