I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
