K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
