Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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