We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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