I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
