how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
