Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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