I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
