Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
