cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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