I think I died a long time ago.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
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I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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