All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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