I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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