So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
