His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Vodka?
Forever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
