She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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