Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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