Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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