I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
