I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there's paper in my vomit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
