and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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