There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
