all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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