What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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