i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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