It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
