Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
