I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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