I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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