haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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