Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
