Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
