So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
