So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
