i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
