If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
