she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
