Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
