PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
