I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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