dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
