Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
