i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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