I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
