it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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