walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it's great music for shaving your balls
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
