so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
