I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
