driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
